So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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