He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
