I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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