Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He shit in the fireplace
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
