I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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