fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
