i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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