I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
