I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
