I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Can I color on your dick again?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
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