Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
