just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I need a beard to bite.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
