You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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