pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
