So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My penis needs a shock collar
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
