i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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