last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
