Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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