I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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