you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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