My balls are so social today.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me đ
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It began the way the best stories doâwith some naĂŻve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He sang the chorus to âInside of youâ by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldnât even be mad, that probably took talent
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