nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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