he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
