moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
