If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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