last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
