come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
