I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
