I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He passed out mid-signature
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
