i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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