That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
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i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
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I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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