Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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