She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
