I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
