I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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