Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize