totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
