Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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