dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
