I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
