I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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