just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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