I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
