there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
