Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
