even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
