This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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