I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
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I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
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Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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