he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
