She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
