it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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