my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
