shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
