Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
