dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
