I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
