You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
