I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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