Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
