My boss' voice literally gives me gas
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just found a bag of teeth...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
