Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
