the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
