What a fucking waste of an outfit
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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