were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i think i have two assholes
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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