You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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