You can't motorboat a personality
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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