I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
