im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
